Thursday, February 17, 2011

Essay on Falling in Love

Essay on Falling in Love

Love is a concept that may mean many things to many people, but there is one thing the same throughout all ideas of love. People can love other people, animals, or now material objects, but it is all the same thing: love. Giving into their emotions and psychological temptations causes them to fall in love.

There are many examples of emotional changes associated with the idea of falling in love. As Thomas Lewis, M.D. states, AEmotions do more than color our sensory world, they are at the root of everything we do, the unquenchable origin of every act more complicated than a reflex. In all cases, emotions are humanity's motivator and its omnipresent guide@ (36). This statement backs the argument that love, an emotion, can propel people to do things they normally wouldn't. It proves that when people fall in love, it is the strongest emotion that they base other actions upon.

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Shakespeare agrees love is the strongest emotion, and falling in love will cause the human mind to take a backseat to all other thinking, such as Romeo and Juliet's did in the tragic epic of the lovers (2). Falling in love is a result of letting these feelings overtake the normal, sane mind.

Love is made up of many feelings and other emotions, but there are three necessary ingredients to have real love. Sternberg, a psychologist, agrees that there are three components necessary in the love triangle: ALove can be understood as a triangle of which each point is on of these three components: intimacy (the top of the triangle), passion (the left-hand point), and decision/commitment (the right-hand point) (36). The three ingredients needed play the key role in building and stabilizing love once someone has fallen in it. They need to understand each hold different worth in other's minds, but to actually experience love, they must use each building block to work toward their true love.

The intimacy block can consist of many things. Sternberg listed a few examples of intimacy, such as Aexperiencing happiness with the loved one, holding the loved one in high regard, communicating intimately with the loved one, and valuing the loved one (39). By developing intimacy, the person in love can broaden the horizon of the depth of his or her love. This, in return, may cause one to fall in deeper love with someone or something they feel for.

Passion is also a building block of love. Sternberg writes, APassion is largely the expression of desires and needs - such as for self-esteem, nurturance, affiliation, dominance, submission, and sexual fulfillment (42). These needs feed off of intimacy; therefore, showing the second block builds on and is necessary for the growth of love as a whole. Giving in to psychological and physiological arousal brings self-gratitude to whoever has fallen in love. They believe they are giving love and devotion to the object of their affection, but in all reality, they are just satisfying their own need for love.

The third point in the triangle of love is decision/commitment. Commitment can be either long or short term, depending on the growth involved in the relationship. This component is necessary for love to get through life's ups and downs. It is what overall holds the relationship together, but without love, commitment is just a tie between two lives. This commitment is a decision made by the person who is experiencing love. They cannot choose their parents or siblings, but they can decide whom to fall in love with and when they want to do it. Thus, decision/ commitment needs intimacy and passion to create a mood for humans to fall in love with one another.

Although understanding the concepts involved with love may be rather simple when presented with them, finding the right person to fall in love with is quite a challenge. Mellen, a human anthropologist at Oxford, agrees that being in love or finding someone to fall in love with is difficult: ANo doubt lovers are floating a little above reality when they feel they could never love anyone else, for humans are exceedingly malleable and human life is now rather long, but men and women are so much more complex psychologically than other animals, their individual needs and idiosyncrasies so numerous, that for many of them it may in fact be difficult to find a partner with whom they can share a deep and enduring love (144). When someone is found that makes them give in to emotions, or fall in love, the one who fell in love is then committed, either long or short term, but still committed to their partner.

Many non-believers in love argue that if people really fell in love, they wouldn=t fight or argue with one another. Buss writes, AThis puzzling phenomenon has one function - to test the bond (208). The two involved in the relationship need to see how committed their partner is. Observing how the loved one reacts when put under pressure can prove to the seeker how much, or how little, the person they love id willing to give up if forced into a certain situation. Also, jealousy plays a major role in this testing of the bond. Buss continues to say Aeliciting jealousy intentionally emerges as another assessment device to gauge the strength of the mate's commitment (211). Some jealousy is needed to maintain the idea that the love may be lost someday if not appreciated.

Falling in love with someone involves the sexual temptations that go along with it, also. When in love with someone, they have urges beyond the everyday, normal emotions. Perper, a biologist, believes humans learn to repress their sexual urges toward people early in life: ALovers do not instantly proceed to sexual intercourse due to it being repressed and suppressed, held down somehow, bottled up until the marriage bells ring, or until they profess undying love to each other (113). This statement shows how society has caused a block on these urges, but when someone falls in love, they overcome the social frown they may receive, and put themselves on the line for their loving temptations.

Through the examples of changes in emotions and psychological temptations, falling in love is a result of giving in to these urges they feel. When these urges become too strong for the person to handle without showing feeling, they are either forced to, or even go down fighting, but they can and do fall in love. Even though falling in love may happen many times to one person in their lifetime, each time it consists of the above components and requires them to give in to the free-flowing emotions to experience the love they have to give to their partner.

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